take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
