You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
