literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
40s are totally the cure
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
