he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
