Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
