"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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