Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
