Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
