we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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