we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
