Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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