just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
