I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
