The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
