I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
