I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Oh god it's open bar.
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