i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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