Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
