babies were throwing up all over the place
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
