Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
