So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
