u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
birth control should be required to get into college
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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