U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
porn star boner night. come get it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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