the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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