I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i came on her dog
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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