We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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