Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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