girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
