Where did you get a picture of my penis
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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