i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
