I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
