Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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