there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
