I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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