I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
