I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
