So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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