if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
