There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
