Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
