Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
