You're my little dorito
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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