Is it normal to miss your booty call?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
