You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
