Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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