either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
