i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
