did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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