You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
