I wish I only lived at night.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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