[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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