dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Of course I have a pirate flag
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
